My therapist calls these times two-by-four lessons. We talk about how life is full of lessons and that sometimes they feel like two-by-fours. I do not know what I am supposed to learn this time, but it definitely feels like a two-by-four lesson in the making. It will probably end up being the size of a ruler when all things are said and done and I look back on this time.
When I talked to Gina, she suggested that this may be a transition time issue. I mean, normally I am in front of, at the very least, 20 students all day and now I am in front of five dogs. This makes sense to me. Of course life is going to be a little different when I am only in front of five dogs. Unfortunately, when Fondue is being a butt head, threatening him with a referral does absolutely nothing. Don’t get me wrong, I do leave the house. I have made several wonderful friends at Riverside Health and Fitness Center. I have met Adolf, an 81-year-old gentleman from Munich, Germany. He used to disarm bombs during the war. He told me that I am beautiful and wants to know why I am not married, so of course I think he is adorable. I have also met Sharron, Jim, and Judy (all over 65 years of age). They are all fantastic people. We chatted about teaching, dogs, doctors, and “the good old days.” I mostly listened about “the good old days.” Strangely, I am still feeling very lonely. I think I could spend every day with several different people and still feel lonely. There is just something about going from a classroom of people all day to just a few people scattered throughout the day that makes me feel a little lost.
Okay, so all of that doesn’t sound so bad, right? I mean, let’s be serious, I do not have to grade papers, I do not have to deal with teenage attitude, I do not have to deal with my principal and his crazy mood swings. These are all good things, aren’t they? Instead, I can watch TV all day, swim at RHFC, go to Barnes and Noble any time I want (as long as they’re open, of course), eat when I’m hungry instead of when the bell rings, I can mow the lawn on the one day of the week that isn’t filled with rain, I can read all day. So what’s my problem? Isn’t this what everyone always wants? I think I want these things too, but I like them to be scattered throughout my busy days and not all in a row. I know I shouldn’t be picky about things like this. I should rejoice in the fact that I have this opportunity. I just wish I could figure out what this opportunity is for.
So, where’s the two-by-four lesson in all of this? Well, all of this time leaves me wide open for random thought. By random thought I mean, I now have ample time to freak myself out. This is not good. I would like to think that I am not the only one who does this. At the same time I would not like to think that others deal with this issue…conundrum. I recently read a book by Donald Miller (author of “Blue Like Jazz”) entitled “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.” It is about creating a good story with your life. This book was fantastic for me to read for the first couple days of summer break. I was pumped. I was going to create an awesome story! Now that the book is over, I am not so sure what to do. Once again, I was living vicariously through the author’s journey…sigh. All of this together is forming what seems to be a frighteningly familiar two-by-four. I just hope that I can figure out this lesson before I crash into it face first.
Constant reminder: “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” Psalm 119:105
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