I am continuing on the road to self-discovery. I have continued to see Jon Dodds for EMDR. I did have one cognitive therapy session with him as well. On a quick side note, if you are looking for a good Christian counselor, I highly recommend Jon. He is caring and intuitive. I very much enjoyed the opportunity to just talk with him. With EMDR there is very little talk. We pause long enough for me to share the filmstrip that is gliding through my mind and then we move on. EMDR has been a very remarkable journey through my past. I have uncovered events that I am sure were diligently buried several years ago. I am confident that EMDR is helping my mind to unwind all of the tangled details of my history.
I have also been discussing my progress with my other therapist, Cheryl Wolf. I shared with Cheryl that I am still struggling with many of the fears and concerns that originally launched me into this world of therapy and self-discovery. Cheryl’s response was unexpected. She asked me if I still wanted to kick butt. I laughed, somewhat bitterly, at this question. Of course I still wanted to kick butt; I just wasn’t sure how possible this butt kicking would be. Cheryl’s suggestion made my breath catch and my heart skip. She wanted to try hypnotherapy. She wanted to hypnotize me. My first internal response was, ‘thank you for the suggestion, but let’s just stick with what we’ve got here.’ Instead, I let Cheryl explain the significance of hypnotherapy in the recovery process. I listened and made some mental notes. When she finished her explanation I asked her a few questions. ‘Have you ever been hypnotized? Has anything bad ever happened when you’ve hypnotized someone? Does it work for everyone?” Cheryl patiently answered each of my questions. She assured me that she has been hypnotized many times. Nothing bad has ever happened when she’s used hypnotherapy. She also explained that hypnotherapy is very effective, but everyone is different. I made an appointment for a hypnotherapy session and left thinking that I still had the option to call and cancel. I spent a few hours throughout the weekend doing research. I asked questions of others that practice or have had hypnotherapy. I concluded that there was no harm in trying.
The night before my hypnotherapy session I spent about an hour practicing yoga. I am not a devoted yogi, but I do enjoy a good child’s pose and the occasional warrior pose. I think spending time with my body the night before my session helped enormously. The day of my hypnotherapy was filled with a mixture of anxious excitement and nervousness. I tend to get my hopes up on new forms of therapy. Because part of my PTSD is having a case of the what-ifs, I spent the day what-ifing like a pro. The time for my appointment was drawing near and I found myself reading a book, Eat Pray Love by Liz Gilbert, that I’ve been working through. The chapters I read dealt greatly with meditation and the subconscious. How appropriate. I sat in the waiting room reading my book and trying to mentally quiet my body. Sooner than expected, Cheryl came out and we went back to her office. Cheryl had me lie on the couch (contrary to popular belief, clients do not always lie on the couch). The process was similar to guided imagery. Cheryl gently guided me in relaxing my body and allowing my subconscious to come to the forefront. At this point I will assure you that I was awake and aware the entire time. My eyes were closed and my body was relaxed, but I knew where I was and was cognizant of what I was saying and doing. With Cheryl as my guide, I walked through some of the more traumatic elements of my past. These events did not originally stand out to me as being extremely traumatic. I had seen and experienced worse, but these events had clearly affected the way I have thought and viewed myself for several years. When the hypnotherapy session ended and I was eased back to a more conscious awareness, I forced my heavy eyelids to open and sat up. It was not until this point that I realized how being hypnotized really felt. Throughout the session I thought, ‘This doesn’t feel much different from guided imagery.’ After sitting up I realized that I had been in a much deeper state of relaxation than I had originally thought.
So, the answer to the question that almost everyone asks: Did it work? Well, I don’t know yet. I have felt relaxed, but I am still nervous and watchful. I hope and pray that this will be a big step on my journey of self-discovery. More than that, I pray that this will be a key in my healing process.
I have also been discussing my progress with my other therapist, Cheryl Wolf. I shared with Cheryl that I am still struggling with many of the fears and concerns that originally launched me into this world of therapy and self-discovery. Cheryl’s response was unexpected. She asked me if I still wanted to kick butt. I laughed, somewhat bitterly, at this question. Of course I still wanted to kick butt; I just wasn’t sure how possible this butt kicking would be. Cheryl’s suggestion made my breath catch and my heart skip. She wanted to try hypnotherapy. She wanted to hypnotize me. My first internal response was, ‘thank you for the suggestion, but let’s just stick with what we’ve got here.’ Instead, I let Cheryl explain the significance of hypnotherapy in the recovery process. I listened and made some mental notes. When she finished her explanation I asked her a few questions. ‘Have you ever been hypnotized? Has anything bad ever happened when you’ve hypnotized someone? Does it work for everyone?” Cheryl patiently answered each of my questions. She assured me that she has been hypnotized many times. Nothing bad has ever happened when she’s used hypnotherapy. She also explained that hypnotherapy is very effective, but everyone is different. I made an appointment for a hypnotherapy session and left thinking that I still had the option to call and cancel. I spent a few hours throughout the weekend doing research. I asked questions of others that practice or have had hypnotherapy. I concluded that there was no harm in trying.
The night before my hypnotherapy session I spent about an hour practicing yoga. I am not a devoted yogi, but I do enjoy a good child’s pose and the occasional warrior pose. I think spending time with my body the night before my session helped enormously. The day of my hypnotherapy was filled with a mixture of anxious excitement and nervousness. I tend to get my hopes up on new forms of therapy. Because part of my PTSD is having a case of the what-ifs, I spent the day what-ifing like a pro. The time for my appointment was drawing near and I found myself reading a book, Eat Pray Love by Liz Gilbert, that I’ve been working through. The chapters I read dealt greatly with meditation and the subconscious. How appropriate. I sat in the waiting room reading my book and trying to mentally quiet my body. Sooner than expected, Cheryl came out and we went back to her office. Cheryl had me lie on the couch (contrary to popular belief, clients do not always lie on the couch). The process was similar to guided imagery. Cheryl gently guided me in relaxing my body and allowing my subconscious to come to the forefront. At this point I will assure you that I was awake and aware the entire time. My eyes were closed and my body was relaxed, but I knew where I was and was cognizant of what I was saying and doing. With Cheryl as my guide, I walked through some of the more traumatic elements of my past. These events did not originally stand out to me as being extremely traumatic. I had seen and experienced worse, but these events had clearly affected the way I have thought and viewed myself for several years. When the hypnotherapy session ended and I was eased back to a more conscious awareness, I forced my heavy eyelids to open and sat up. It was not until this point that I realized how being hypnotized really felt. Throughout the session I thought, ‘This doesn’t feel much different from guided imagery.’ After sitting up I realized that I had been in a much deeper state of relaxation than I had originally thought.
So, the answer to the question that almost everyone asks: Did it work? Well, I don’t know yet. I have felt relaxed, but I am still nervous and watchful. I hope and pray that this will be a big step on my journey of self-discovery. More than that, I pray that this will be a key in my healing process.
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